How to have a life with naps

Hi everyone and welcome to Sleep Talking Moms. Today we are going to talk about something that I don’t know I feel like people get a little riled up about sometimes, but also necessary, very necessary. So yeah, we’re going to talk about how to have a life with naps. And you may not like me and Kayla’s perspective on this and that is okay. We don’t get into this. We’re very similar in how we think about this subject. But we know that it is not for everyone and that is 100%. Okay, so if you listen to this and feel like we’re psycho, that’s that’s okay. You don’t hurt our feelings. Not at all. And I am kind of sorry that we both came about our how we were gonna handle naps. The same way cuz I would have been much more helpful if one of us was one way or the other was the other but we have open minds about whichever way you choose to parent just like anything else. So you gotta do it. You got to do absolutely.

And I guess just to you know, get the cat out the bag. When it comes to having a life with naps. Me and Kayla err on the side where we would just much rather have good naps and we don’t care so much about having a life when our little ones are little and still need lots of naps. So we would 100% choose sleep and reliable sleep and breaks during the day over being able to go around and do different things and see people and have a social life or have activities. That is that fair. Kayla, would you agree? That is very, very fair. Yes. And if you guys listen to the last episode, you will know that Carianna and I were basically squares our whole life and we sleep so there are a lot of times where we were choosing to not be social because it was a fun time. So we get it honestly. And you know II know that it gets harder to when you have like when you have more than one child so maybe you have one that’s a toddler or older who just has one nap a day at you know one reliable time or maybe they’re done napping and then you have the baby who’s still on 234 naps and you know, you feel bad like well, I won’t be able to take my toddler out and do things I have been there.

Okay, well I know your experience has been a little different because that phase for you. With your kids has been during COVID. So you couldn’t go anywhere even if you wanted to. Yes, yeah, right. It was kind of a gift. In a weird roundabout way. I’d never like of course, I don’t want what’s happening to be happening. But to have a little baby and a toddler at the height of the pandemic where we couldn’t go anywhere and we were on lockdown. It was like, oh, okay, cool. Well, I guess this is what we’re doing. And so our big trips were trips to the farmyard. Which are good trips, good trips. Yeah. Yeah. And when my boys were younger, and Tim was a baby, and Ethan was, you know, in the two to three range. I’m not gonna say that. We never went anywhere for Ethan to do things, but they were pretty few and far between. And I probably waited more until Campbell my younger one was on a to nap schedule. Just because two naps gives you more time in between naps to get an outing and get back home before nap time. So that’s kind of our personal experience, but you can absolutely have a toddler and have a baby and do things and still have successful naps. So I don’t want you to take away from this, that it’s not possible. I do want you to be just kind of cognizant of your individual child because I do find a lot of this is child specific. Some are gonna be super super sensitive to having their nap schedule messed up or to having you know, a nap on the go. They’re gonna be really sensitive to that not going to go smoothly. And some parents can just like they know okay, if we have a rough nap day, we’re expecting a couple night wakings tonight.

So if you find out that that’s your kid, it doesn’t mean you can’t go anywhere but it does mean you’re going to want to kind of weigh your options more and decide okay, which is more important to me if I can’t have my cake and eat it too. You know, am I gonna choose staying in more to respect these naps or am I gonna choose going out and just accepting you know, the cards I’ve dealt with because of it. And on the flip side, there are some kids who are so chill and easygoing that they’ll have to sign for you on the go if their schedules messed up and they miss an app or two during the day, they’re not going to be a rep that night, they’re going to be just fine. So you kind of have to experiment a little and get to know your child and know that not all children are the same in this respect. Yes. And we’re also kind of giving you guys a free pass to if you feel like I can’t handle the stress of not like not going and doing things because my kids sleep schedule is so important. We give you full permission to be a square like if you need that because your stress level is too high juggling all the things that you have to juggle then don’t feel like you have to do anything.

But also if there are those things that pop up things that you want to do realize that it’s you’re gonna have a messed up day, and then just resume business as usual. The next and it will it will be okay. Yeah, absolutely. And I have parents a lot ask me, like, if I go out, you know, when we you know, take take my child to the library and we don’t get home in time for nap. Is this going to ruin everything and start us back at square one? No, it’s not going to ruin everything. Now if I’m specifically working with a family who is going through the sleep training process, I’m going to recommend you don’t do those things for a limited period. of time where we are just focused on learning. But after that period of time, you’re never going to go all the way back to square one. You may like a well said have a rougher day but it’s not going to set you back at zero as far as sleep and every all the routines and habits that you’ve created for them not gonna start you back at square zero. All right, so like what we’ve kind of been talking about with like, if you want your cake and eat it too, all of that stuff when it comes to to naps and having a life I’ve heard of I think I’ ve heard you talk before about the 8020 rule. But what is that?

Yeah, yes, the 8020 rule. And you’ve probably heard this about other aspects of life too. It’s a pretty common phrase. I’m sure our listeners have heard the 8020 rule. When it comes to sleep and naps is 80% of the time. We want to aim for naps in the ideal environment and at the right time. 80% of the time, that’s kind of our goal. And then 20% of the time if we’re off track and the nap has to be in a non ideal environment in the car or in the stroller and at a non ideal time. Maybe they’re skipping the nap. That’s okay, so we can kind of find that 8020 balance. That’s what’s going to help them to not be so thrown off by nap disruption and changes that they’re miserable but also gives you as a parent freedom to go and do things here and there. And when we do have to have naps on the go, you know, there are definitely things we can do to help improve the quality of those naps. Things like taking white noise with you and you know, if they’re in the car seat, you’re driving around and they need to be napping, you know, putting the white noise back there by them or I’ve had parents play it through the Bluetooth system in their car so the whole car is white noise.

I also put a blanket in the window to get it to start doing possibly can but that’s a good that’s a good idea. And another option you can do I don’t know if you guys have heard of SnoozeShade it is like a black they make one for strollers and for car seats a cover that so it kind of creates that dark environment that very, very dark environment. So those are good options as well to kind of recreate the ideal environment. I’ve had a lot of families by this new shade if their schedule kind of makes it so as as they’re driving home from daycare, if they have a bit of a commute. They know that that’s when they need their third nap of the day to happen is on that drive home. And so they will just always have that white noise in the car. Had their sushi and the child just snaps for that 20 or 30 minute ride home. So definitely things we can do to make naps better on the go.

But the other thing I want you to just kind of grab onto and accept is that naps on the go are never going to be as good as naps at home in their ideal environment. And I think we get we get fixed on that like oh I want them to be able to nap while on the go. That’s just not how humans are built. I don’t know about you okay, what do you nap well in a car as well as my bed? No, yeah, you can do it. And it’s better than you know. No sleep, right? Yeah. But yeah, it is not going to be that ideal sleep. It’s not going to be as good a quality just like you may not sleep as well in a hotel room outside of your usual house and bed or you may not sleep as well at your in laws house. Babies are the same way. And so we can’t expect them to nap to the same level of sleep as they do when they’re at home in their perfect environment. And one thing I just want you guys to remember is that this you know having no life or having a life that’s disrupted by sleep schedules for kids. Even conflicting sleep schedules for kids. I remember that very well. I remember, you know, like, Ellis would wake up or else would be awake. I put tiny down I put Alice down for his nap. And then my little one would get up and just being like, I don’t have a single solitary second to myself this whole day. Probably added some expletives and that’s intense.

Just like anything else, this is not gonna last forever. At some point your kids are you know, like, my youngest is two now he has one nap. I was in for quiet time. Like at some point it does all kind of come together. They won’t have naps forever. So it’s gonna suffer a little bit and then it’s gonna be totally fine. But you’ll have a well rested kid. And hopefully yourself will be you’ll be well rested too. So hang in there. Yeah, I think that’s a really important reminder. Because when you’re in it, you know, it can feel like oh my gosh, I haven’t gone anywhere for months, but in the scheme of our child’s life. It is such a small, small point in time when we just have so many naps and I remember those days to Kayla, I think the worst is when you have one kid on to naps and the other kid on one nap because there is just there’s literally almost no overlap. Yeah, and you’re just like nap. Okay, next nap. Okay, next nap and then it’s dinnertime and you’re like, I haven’t. I haven’t had any time by myself at all. Yep. Or like you have like 15 minutes between you’re like, should I get a quick workout? Should I do the dishes? Should I just sit like yeah, it’s not fun. It’s not but what happens because of that good sleep can be fun. So it’ll get there it’ll get there.

Well, I hope that this podcast didn’t feel like a downer for you if you were hoping for like some quick fix. Yeah, quick because you guys know we don’t think quick fixes exist in parenting. I so wish they did but they just don’t but I hope that the commiseration helps and just that if you view sleep the same way that we do and you’re cool with like, Yeah, I’d rather stay home and just have good sleep. You’re not alone. And I will also tell you even though Kayla and I can’t relate if you’re someone who’s like you know what, I just need my baby to be on my schedule. I know plenty of people that works just fine for so there’s no shame in that game either. And be sure guys to stay tuned this week on Instagram and Facebook. I’m gonna be talking more about how to do naps on the go ways to make it work for you. So stay tuned for more info and thank you for joining us. Thank you guys have a good week.

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